<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>To Whom I Used To Love by CrissCrossover</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29012247">To Whom I Used To Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrissCrossover/pseuds/CrissCrossover'>CrissCrossover</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Childhood Trauma, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Hurt/Comfort, Letters, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, but they used to be, in a way???, kiyo relives that a bit thats why its tagged, korekiyo and sister are not together</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:47:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>724</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29012247</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrissCrossover/pseuds/CrissCrossover</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"I’ve talked to many about the relationship you and I have had and I’ve realized- It wasn't healthy."</p>
<p>Kiyo writes to his deceased sister, whom has hurt him more than imaginable. He has decided to try and move on from this hurt. This is one of many steps forward.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Shinguji Korekiyo/Shinguji Korekiyo's Sister</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>To Whom I Used To Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span><em>Dear Sister</em>,</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>It has been quite a while since I have heard from you. It seems as though the voice that had belonged to you, that had once plagued my mind, has come to a halt. And although i used to think I would feel otherwise, I’m glad that it had.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Since your death, I have followed in your footsteps. Learned a lot about the world I live in, kept to myself. But recently that has changed.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>I’ve begun trailing onto other paths. I’ve talked to many about the relationship you and I have had and I’ve realized- It wasn't healthy. I prefer to not dwell on it, as in all honesty, it upsets me to think of you as someone with ill intentions. You used to be someone I looked up to and to realize now, as an almost adult, that something I thought of as average as a child was far from normal- it hurts. But I have chosen to move past it.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>It grows difficult at times to think of the specifics. When someone touches me, I have to stop myself from thinking of how upset you’d be with me if you were to find out someone else had dared touch your dear brother. But the thing is I’m not </span>
  <em>
    <span>your </span>
  </em>
  <span>dear anything. I’m a person who deserved a childhood I had truly never gotten. I find it difficult to eat without feeling selfish. I find it difficult to read certain things or learn about certain topics that I know you would have felt strongly about. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Despite all of these- my friends, the people who truly care for me, people who care genuinely, not in the same way you did- they help me through all these. I don’t flinch at all touch anymore. I’m comfortable with friendly gestures such as hugs or cuddles- and despite the fact that I am comfortable the majority of the time, my friends ask consistently if I would be okay with what they plan on doing. And I’m grateful for that gesture.  Friends like Kirumi and Kaito and sometimes even Tenko- as ‘gross’ as she says my gender is- they encourage me to eat, for my own health. It’s taken me so long to realize not all consumption is gluttony. Friends like Gonta and Miu have helped me read up more on inventions and bugs- despite how much I know you were fond of parts of those subjects. Shuichi allows me to look into crime cases with him.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>The thing I had most trouble with was the mask. It took me a </span>
  <em>
    <span>long</span>
  </em>
  <span> time to go without the mask, even in private. But nowadays I could go outside for a little while and take a fresh breath of air. I’ve cut my hair shorter, only to my shoulder blades I’ll be it, but still shorter. I’ve stopped wearing deep red lipstick and instead prefer nude colors or soft pinks to go with my makeup. I do my eyes darker- despite how much you always said you hated it. I don’t bandage my arms, the scars along my fingers don’t make me feel ugly anymore</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
    <br/>
  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>My friends have helped me through so much in the past while and I couldn’t be more grateful. Words could never describe how grateful I am for each and every one of them.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Words are a very limited thing, I have learned. I know this because there are also no words to describe how I feel about you. I loved you. I felt for you and your health. I thought of you as a soulmate. And now im aware of what had been done- the damage I had received. And I know I’m logically supposed to resent you for the things you did to me- but I simply can’t hange at the drop of a hat. I cannot go from seeing you as part of me, part of my lovelife, to hating you. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>So instead, I’ve written you this letter. This is a formal goodbye. This is me letting go. I’m letting go of you so I don’t have to learn to hate you- yet never have to fear you again. You can’t hurt me anymore. You never will hurt me again. And that’s something that allows me to breathe easy. So I wish you farewell. </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Goodbye, Miyadera.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>For good.</span>
  <span></span>
    <br/>
  
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>- </span>
  <em>Korekiyo Shinguji</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>jdsknkdjsndksJKNDSKJND- IM SO SORRY IF THIS WAS BAD- I DONT WRITE LIKE THIS MUCH</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>